As teachers, we must do better. Whether you are a dog owner, dog trainer, instructor, behaviourist, mentor or parent. We must do better!
DON’T DO THAT! I remember my face going hot, tears coming to my eyes and any confidence I had gained in those few minutes draining out of me as I slowly turned to face my mentor. What had I done this time. You’d think I’d have been used to it, but my self-confidence was low, I was young and inexperienced, and I didn’t know my worth! This was 20 years ago, but I remember it well.
After a very deep and intense podcast with the fabulous (and fellow dachshund enthusiast) Sarah Roper where we looked back over our training past, regrets and things we have learned I have been thinking more and more about where it all started, and how that affected me as the person I am now. This blog is a bit of therapy, but also trying to reach those who may share or have shared a similar emotional journey over the years. Sarah’s podcast is well worth a listen, the one with me will be released soon, but its episode 5. (Got a big act to follow!) Here’s the link: https://rss.com/podcasts/doggonewrong/?fbclid=IwY2xjawESI6RleHRuA2FlbQIxMQABHZM5F_feEgNiNh9GTTJ2kT5WRDVojAK7YdWzg1yYTthSU6UIGvTTsmOfxg_aem_jWECnxfJQ39YnUWwG4n29A
I think back and think, wow, I was trained to be a dog trainer in the same way I was taught to train dogs. Set up for failure, corrected dramatically and always trying to get that small acknowledgement of doing something right. Was never praised, but the lack of admonishment was praise in itself. I think back and cringe, honestly. Learned helplessness comes to mind. I go into details in the podcast with Sarah. But yes, I was told to bite a dog’s ear after he bit me to assert my dominance...to show I was the 'alpha'…..and sadly, I did it! Because, despite it being completely against my nature…..that was the ‘right’ way to do it, what did I know?! (Yea, I know! ☹).
Sarah has managed to get a few of us digging deep, so I’d definitely have a listen. It really got me thinking about so many things, more than just the dogs.
Many of us learnt to instruct this way, in fact I wonder if that’s why imposter syndrome bites us so badly at times. Those early learning experiences raising their heads. It was awful. But it made me into a good trainer….so it worked? Right? That’s how we justify things, isn’t it? But it worked, so it must be ok?
Wrong. It didn’t work. It held me back. Confidence and experience made me good at what I do. Realising my own self worth made me good at what I do. Treating others, whatever species, the way I wish I had been treated made me good at what I do! And knowing that I still have so much to learn, makes me even better at what I do.
I am just back from a few days away from a dog training instructors course where having worked through the levels myself I now return as a tutor on the course. Trying to give back to others and help them achieve their own personal goals. I always come home thinking and reflecting on everything over the week.
This year I was asked to do a talk for one of the evenings on learning difficulties. Nope, I’m not an expert, but speaking from personal experience and its impact on my own journey. The talk, it dug deep, we had tears, we had laughs, and we had moments of self realisation. It broke my heart to realise that 20 years later, people were still “taught” in the same way I was.
I realised the teaching approaches of the past were not in the past. They are still present. People were still screamed at across rooms at dog clubs. People were still told they weren’t good enough, that they couldn’t achieve. People still dangled carrots in front of people as they tried to learn and develop and snatched it away last minute to remind people of their place. It was so refreshing to see these students praised, encouraged and nurtured over the week. But it shouldn’t just be a week, it should be done all the time!
After the talk, realising the tears shed were tears of understanding, of realisation and those moments of penny’s dropping……moments like those I had after I had my learning assessments. I completely understood. I was in awe of the openness and eagerness to share their stories. And I hope they go on to use their stories to help others as I have myself. Being the spark that created a curiosity – who am I? That will remain with me for a long time to come.
In regards to the students on the course, they should be immensely proud, over the time I spent with them, their personal achievements were phenomenal, I was in awe of them! I remember being the student amongst my peers, its not easy! The self discovery I made started there and it contributed to who I am today.
Positive reinforcement isn’t just for the dogs, its for us too. We are all teachers. Whether its as parents, friends, tutors, role models or dog trainers, we all can influence each others perspective of the world. We all need those words of encouragement. That support. The confidence that those around us believe and trust us. We shouldn’t take the trust those people place in us for granted, as one day, they may look at you and really see you. Will they like who they see?
Will you be a person who has always supported them? Guided them? Encouraged them? Or a person who has undermined them? Knocked their confidence? Obstructed opportunities?
I had that person, the one who held me back, knocked my confidence, told me I wasn’t good enough. I remember that well. There are always those people in your lives who will sneer at you, or talk behind your backs. Now, I recognise and dismiss them quickly, but I try to surround myself with honest people who keep me grounded, but always support me, and never seek to put me down. Sometimes you get a rotten egg or two who…well, you know. But, just throw them out with the trash….they aren’t worthy of your time or thoughts.
A very wise woman and a friend once said to me, when the student overtakes the mentor, the mentor should smile, it is the greatest achievement. It is not something to worry about, but it means as a mentor, you have done what you set out to do. That’s how it should be. We as mentors pass on the baton to the next generation. Our goal is always for them to be better, to be their best, to learn from our own experiences as well as their own, and I would always hope those I mentor will surpass me and take it to the next level and think of me kindly as someone who helped them fly.
I am immensely grateful to all those who have been part of my journey, everyone. Some have enhanced my skills, others have helped me realise just how much I have changed over the years. Just how much I have developed and grown and where and who I want to be going forwards,
And anyone teaching or supporting others, remember to treat people how you want to be treated, not how you were treated. Your role impacts peoples lives far beyond the one place. It can make or break a person. Always be the strength behind someone, not the person who tears them down.
Could apply the same theory to the dogs really couldn’t we!
Was a traitor this week - not a dachshund in sight!
My super collie Siren, who didn't put a paw wrong all week. She was a fantastic therapy dog.
My besties Poodle, who loves to snuggle and bounce!
But I am glad to be home snuggled up with my sausages, I do miss the unique snuggle of a dachshund.
Thanks for reading, for those of you reading who are the student, I hope this gives you the strength to realise your worth. For those of you who are the teacher - I hope this gives you the strength to assess your teaching style and be better.
Change isn't easy, but it is necessary!
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