I don’t generally post blogs or videos about my clients as I am so proud of them all, they all work incredibly hard, but occasionally there is a client I work with, usually over a long period of time who I get to know very well and I stand back in awe of the challenges they overcome both with their dachshunds and with obstacles they face in life. If I think there is a journey that may help others by sharing parts of their story I will ask that person if I can share their journey with the rest of you. Today I am going to talk to you about Hayley and Walter. Here's a brief snippet of parts of their journey together, the video is also at the end of the blog: https://youtube.com/shorts/e7nx2Kl-wcM
Hayley approached me a few years ago because of some struggles she was having with Walter, he was scared to go on walks, scared of traffic, stopping regularly, sometimes didn't want to cross the threshold and increasingly reactive to everything, he was also jumpy in the home and was generally struggling with the world. After meeting remotely we put some initial strategies in place. Hayley had a lot of questions, and as everyone knows I welcome questions, but these were different. It wasn’t just the questions she asked, but the way she asked them. She was scared to ask questions, constantly apologising and putting herself down, blaming herself for all of Walters issues. So we had a good chat about this which changed the course of our relationship for the better as it gave us a greater understanding of what she needed to help Walter and herself.
Hayley is autistic and suffers with anxiety. She is fabulous, she’s at college and starting a new job soon, she's facing the world head on, She has probably had a lifetime of people dismissing her questions and thoughts, as many of us do who are neurosassy. There is a 'thing' that affects many of those who are neurodiverse- “rejection sensitivity.” Now, no-one likes feeling rejected but the neuro sassy’s often spend half their social interactions trying to anticipate peoples reactions and constantly questioning why a person did that brief frown or eye flick to the side. And the fear of rejection is immense causing a cycle of self loathing, anxiety and fear of upsetting people.
Just a note on rejection sensitivity as I feel its really important people understand what it feels like. Research has found people who have high levels of rejection sensitivity show different brain activity to those who don’t when showed faces showing disapproval, their brain lit up the parts which were the same as those who showed anger or disgust. Can you imagine how it must feel when every time someone frowns at you, you feel they hate you? All those frowns from childhood – from parents, teachers, strangers…..yea….you’ve got it! Horrible thought isn't it!
It was important to understand how her autism affects her - things like emotions, how she responds to situations, how she copes and I revisited our plan to break some things down in a different way, and from this point Hayley just blossomed.
I’m going to let Hayley tell her story, the bits above are some of what I have learned from Hayley. I admire her commitment and dedication to Walter. I am thankful she trusted me enough to cry down the phone when she had a bad day and shared her wins with me. I am grateful for how much she has taught me. I am grateful for her insight into her mind and her relationship with Walter and I will continue to be there quietly in the background cheering her on as she continues to progress forwards. And I am so grateful she has shared her perspective so it may help others who face similar challenges. Certain stories imprint on me and teach me a lot – Hayley’s story has done that for me.
I’ve had to edit it down a bit, as between us I think we could write a book! Whilst its a long read, please take the time to read what Hayley’s written, it’s so raw and honest. There are so many parts of Hayley’s story that I hear daily and will resonate with a lot of you so I’ve only done minor edits, blame her for the essay! I’ve popped comments in brackets to some of Hayley’s words. Hayley, I am so proud of you! There's a video at the end too showing some brief snippets into Hayley and Walter's journey.
“The dogs are my world. I was diagnosed with autism and anxiety, so I have my own issues. When I was 13 I was struggling with an eating disorder. After having been admitted to an impatient, I began to get better. I took a lot of comfort in my papa’s dog, Frankie. So, my papa suggested we get a shih tzu, and that’s where Ollie came in. I was 14 when we got Ollie, and had no idea. But Ollie was the easiest puppy ever. He was completely chilled out and friendly- the perfect pup. I was pretty oblivious on how hard it could actually be to own a dog, as Ollie was just such an easy pup. And, well, I wanted another. And I fell in love with dachshunds. I attended a few dachshund meets and it just made me more obsessed…I begged, and begged my mum for a dog. ……... And…… well… Ollie hated him.,,,,,,,,Thankfully he accepted he was here to stay, and I’m now happy to say he loves him- but he still does his head in at times.
And then there’s Walter. This little tiny thing- who was a bundle of anxiety. Walter has been anxious from the very day I got him. …… He could not cope whatsoever with being alone. He would follow me to every room, cry when I peed, cried when I walked out the room. I never thought… this was a thing? And I had no idea how to handle it. But, he wasn’t reactive. He was scared, but curious. Walter began puppy training classes as soon as he was able. Again, he was very anxious. He struggled being in that environment. But, of course, I thought “he will get more confidence in time. ” I loved him to bits, but he was the polar opposite of Ollie. And that was hard. It sounds so silly, but it really was a shock. Of course puppies aren’t easy work! Especially dachshund puppies . But, I was under false pretences that puppies were all chill and easy work, and all as laid back as Ollie
During this time, we began our “ socialising” of course, I understand the proper meaning of socialising now, but back then I thought it was going on walks and saying hi to everything and anyone. It was at this time I realised just how much confidence Ollie would bring Walter….At around 4/5 months old- We continued our “socialising”. This included our park journeys, greeting all dogs and people. We attended a local dachshund meets, and Walter enjoyed them….until he decided that puppies were the worst thing on the planet. He would begin to growl and pin down the younger dogs. Unprovoked, he would smell them and just… pin them down. He did not bite, but it was not a nice behaviour. Of course I left and never returned after that. To this day, I still have no idea why he had this problem with puppies.
At home and on our walks together, Walter was a happy boy. He loved me to bits and enjoyed the fact that Ollie would now be in the same room as him. . He actually really enjoyed training with me and our bond kept growing. Moving on, I required Walter to need to attend daycare. Walter went in for a trial and I thought nothing of it. Because I was oblivious and had no idea why he was like that with puppies, assuming it was just a one off. But, the behaviour escalated . ……..Well, I got a call telling me that I had to collect Walter. As he was being aggy towards the other dogs. My heart sank. I was devastated. I was advised on neutering him as this behaviour was “due to hormones”. I had no idea why he was doing that, I still don’t, but was desperate for a solution. It broke my heart….The owner was a trainer as well as a daycare owner, and I was oblivious enough to trust her word and that this would solve the issue completely. And, at 6 months old, I neutered Walter. I will never ever know if this is why he became the way he is, and obviously understand that it increases the risk of IVDD. With any other dog, I would never neuter below 2 years old. ….. But it didn’t “fix” the issue, as he still hates puppies 3 years later. But, it’s no longer [as bad], just a snap/bad reaction, which is so much more manageable. Obviously still not great. I wanted to include this as it’s an issue i have never read about online. It is such a bizarre behaviour, as no matter how the other dog acts he hates them… unless introduced properly. [A lot of adult dogs struggle with puppies, but Hayley is right, there’s not much written about it online. Puppies are rude, bouncy and for a nervous dog that can be rather frustrating if they like their space.]
I then met a different trainer/daycare owner who I still attend in person classes with. She was so understanding of Walter’s issues and he loved her. He was able to attend daycare with numerous different puppies from then on, with the correct introduction put in place with them. At this point, Walter is 6 months old. He was still nervous, but a happy pup. At this point he wasn’t quite “reactive” as we could still walk past cars, people, dogs etc and not bat an eye. At first, I was very uneducated when it came to tiring out a pup and calming them down. That first year is hard, as they are SO hyper and full of beans. I didn’t know what enrichment and chill time was; I thought throwing the ball for him over and over would be the thing to tire him out…. Boy, was I wrong .
Walter’s separation anxiety progressed, and was at a really bad point where he would howl the whole time we were gone. This absolutely broke my heart and it was such a hard issue. I had people telling me I should rehome him and that it wasn’t worth it. But, he was to me.
We put in the work and slowly but surely he was able to cope with it more. He still doesn’t love being alone, but after a few minutes he is able to settle and go to sleep.
At this point, Walter had just turned one. A close friend adopted a husky, and we wanted them to meet…..[Walter] was so uncomfortable and did not like this dog. It was bouncy, pushy and he did not like it. A few weeks later, they met again …..this time, the husky charged at Walter and went for him. It absolutely breaks my heart to think that he was put into this position, but I had no idea. I really didn’t. He wasn’t hurt, just incredibly shaken up. I feel like at this point, I really understood how anxious he really was.
I had people around me telling me “you need to stop coddling him, you’re why he’s reacting” [remember what I said about rejection sensitivity? It was not your fault!] And after that day, Walter became extremely fearful. …..Walter became a shell of himself. I could no longer get him to walk, as he was so scared. He would react to dogs, people, cars, traffic, bikes- everything. He was just, terrified… and it was all my fault, it felt. And this is when I truly realised that we needed help, and that I needed help on how to help him. [Lets add in here, that Hayley also became very scared of how he reacted and increasingly anxious about taking Walter anywhere.]
I began to research heavily, and we began some reactivity training. But it was hard, as I really had no idea. He wasn’t just scared of dogs, he was scared of the whole world. I hired a trainer in person, but the issue was only touched at the surface, and we never really got far. And that’s when I saw Sharon. She helped me and Walter and broke down the steps, piece by piece. He was terrified of his leash, stepping out the front door. And we started small. But, as the months went by and we started to make progress. We started trick training as a way of bonding, and play too. I discovered breed specific outlets like the flirt pole and tug. And slowly but surely, Walter began to enjoy going outside again. Before this, I had no idea how to read dog body language. We began to make progress.. progress which i never thought would be possible.
But, i cannot pretend it ended there. We had so many different obstacles and challenges along the way, and I know that so much of it is my error. I’m autistic, and have a hard time understanding/processing things at times. …. When he became more confident, I began to let him greet other dogs again. And what do you know, he became reactive again! It took me a long, long time to admit and accept that Walter was not going to be the dog that I wanted him to be. [just moved a bit to quickly with this step, we had to break down how to gradually progress to busier environments, it’s a learning curve.]
He would never enjoy socialising with other dogs and would never enjoy being in busy environments [I disagree to a point with this bit Hayley, I’ve got videos of him enjoying walks with other dogs! He does like to have some space to avoid when he needs to though.]. And I’ve long accepted that now, and love him for the way he is. The progress we have made, is phenomenal. [Damn straight!]
We have been at this for 2 and a half years, and have had so many blips along the way. We have our good weeks, and our shit weeks. And we always will. But I’m so damn proud of how much progress he’s made. [And you’ve made!] He will always be anxious, and he always has been- it’s been in his nature since the start.
Our goal is neutrality, and it always will be from now on. I don’t expect him to interact with random dogs or people. All I want his for him to not be scared of their presence anymore, and we have gotten so far. And I could never have done it without Sharon. She has listened to me cry, and has understood me in no way that anyone else ever has. She’s always been straight up with me and gave me a boot in the arse when I needed it [frequently]. But she’s been honest and kind and has always put up with me. And I’ll never be able to thank her enough for that. Her expertise are priceless. [Thank you Hayley, you've taught me a lot too].
I was never a bad parent to Walter. I always, always put his needs before mine. I always thrived to figure out how to make him happy and how to help him- I was simply uneducated on the subject of reactivity and separation anxiety. I’m sharing all of this, just to show you how important it is to do your research. It’s so important to look into all of this first. It’s so important to be educated on the breed and all about dog behaviour/body language. There was so much I didn’t know. I made a lot of mistakes with Walter, and I cannot take them back. I love him to bits and I always will."
Back to me:
Life is learning, life is about making mistakes and learning from them and moving forwards. Life is about facing your own challenges and finding ways to navigate them. Walter has helped you to grow Hayley, in the time I’ve known you I have watched you blossom and one day you will look back and realise just how important Walter’s challenges have been in realising just how special you are. Well done Hayley and thank you for sharing your story.
Here's a short video showing snippets from their journey:
Perfectly Polite Dachshunds Copyright 2025
Comments